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(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2010|09:11 pm]
Some self realizations....

I'm too sensitive, impatient, particular about certain details, don't take enough risks, and at the same time, I think when I give my heart, it's completely and totally, which makes it that much easier for me to get hurt. It seems as though I'm just a ball of contradictions....

And at this moment, when things are so hectic and busy, I can't focus because I keep thinking about someone....I'm even now amazed at how much time I'm able to waste and not do what it is I need to do....

I'm over my ex.
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2010|10:10 pm]
I am an idiot

I constantly think about her, the soft sensual things that fill my mind and take up my days keep this silly smile on my face...
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2010|09:40 pm]
I'm supposed to be working on something...something that I should have done already today, but I can't focus...I keep thinking about someone...someone that has really touched my life and even though I'm almost absolutely certain that we won't ever be together, we had something really special and she's definitely rescued me from myself and the dark depression that I had been in for pretty much the last year. Whereas I would think of my ex all the negative emotions of anger, jealousy, and spite would come up, now when I think of this person, I find that she had rescued me from that. I think we shared something special and I know it was special to her as well and nothing can take that away and I'm so thankful that I got to know her and there's nothing perfect about her, and I think that's part of the appeal, because I'm far from perfect, but we're both trying and on our way. I just hope she can realize how huge of an impact she's been in my life and the warm butterflies that I still get when I think about her, in that bittersweet way, but more sweet than bitter, and I can't just help but smile. I really wish things were different, that we could be together, but they're not and nothing would make me happier than to know that she's happy. My wish is to be able to express this to her in person, look into her deep beautiful eyes and tell her from the depth of my heart, just how beautiful she really is and thank her. Of course that's only after I catch my breath, because I already know that at that first moment when my eyes see her, she'll take by breath away. I'll probably just stand there with a stupid smile on my face, unable to speak....
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